THE WANDERING YOUTH

STORIES OF MY LIFE, PAST AND PRESENT.

It’s like the first time

I’ve loved before, but not like this. I’m discovering new sensations within myself that are uncovered by his presence.

It’s never felt like this

It’s like this beautiful thing is blooming from something that was already amazing.

I look at him and I see myself. We’re so similar in all the right ways, it hasn’t been long but I already know I want this.

He opens his mind and I open mine, and we let each other in.

Look around, everything is moving, everything is pulsing, living, breathing, every single layer.

Vivid colors surround me, dilated eyes meet, smiles are exchanged, minds are read.

The sunshine is so warm, but reality is so far away and it’s so easy to let yourself go.

I’m quiet, it’s hard to form sentences.

The hiss is loud but exciting, and he passes me a balloon.

Underneath the blanket legs are intertwined, it’s a different world.

After 3 more loud hisses, I raise my arm, let my friends know I love them and that I’ll see them on the other side.

Inhale.

Exhale.

After falling through every layer of the universe, I can hear every single molecule. I feel it in the tips of my fingers and toes, I don’t exist.

I die every time.

My eyes open…. bliss. I look over and our legs are still together, I reach towards him. I don’t know where he went, but I’m glad he’s here.

Comet Dance

Bitter paper dissolves under my tongue and I know what to expect. I went there to see a guy I’m interested in but I was taken away on another adventure through the night.

Jupiter shone bright on the ceiling of the bathroom, previous walls between people crumbled and we set off into the dark, pulsing streets.

Music is projected from the pocket of a dancing stranger that I’m on a new journey with, and I’m led through the woods next to an abandoned army base.

The water of the bay reaches towards us with tiny waves on one side, as the rusty fence topped with barbed wire towers over us to the right.

"The forest is only as scary as you make it"

Nature takes back over the pavement, fences, and signs.

The sky is a desert. The sand clouds moved, swayed, and showed us the moon.

Look up, look down to my feet. Look up again, and before the thought is even processed…before I can even open my mouth, it tears through the sky, a comet. The trail stays for only a moment, and just like that it was over.

Sorry

Apologies are a part of life, giving and receiving them. Part of growing up is realizing you’re wrong and being able to say “I’m sorry” to a person and absolutely mean it with all your heart.

The ideas dance through my head, reliving past moments, hoping for you. Hoping for us. My heart is so far away, it calls out, traveling miles to the place where you are, where ever that might be.

It’s no surprise..

It’s no surprise that our love burned out. I felt it. He felt it. Sometimes peoples lives and experiences run parallel to one another, and they aren’t meant to intersect, but somehow they do. Sooner or later, you’re just running parallel and you’ll continue on side by side throughout life.

What I felt for him was lust, and the desire to be loved and to love something. It didn’t bloom naturally out of nothing. It was a dormant life form and as soon as I heard his voice, it was active.

Our flame went out almost as quickly as it was ignited. Within those moments of absolutely fucking impulsive, firey and passionate love I felt like everything was standing still…but I was the one standing still. Everything else was moving, flowing and continuing on as I held onto this candle with burning wax running down my hands, seeping into my pores, and filling me up with hot anger. In the end, you’re just holding a white-hot piece of metal with no wax, and no wick. The only thing that illuminates the darkness is the appetite for a stronger, brighter flame.

When it ends, and the universe drops around you..it’s heavy, but it’s as weightless as a feather.

Thank you.

"thank you" I say, slightly out of breath.

"thankyou." he says in an exhale into my ear, the words are warm.

Like a carousel, my emotions spin after these moment of intimacy.

Happy, excited, nervous, content, in love.

I sigh.

Eyes closed.

Smile.

Nuzzle.

Legs are intertwining, moving involuntarily, synchronized with the fluid movements of his body. My hand rests on the perfect collarbones, the slight thump of a heartbeat can be felt.

Alive.

Alive with you.

Alive because of you.

Deep, steady breathing. Familiar sounds in the background, sounds of strangers that are known so well by us.

"thank you."

Thank you for being. Thank you for breathing. Thank you for blinking, for seeing, for speaking, for growing. Thank you for understanding, for listening, for ignoring, for watching. Thank you for playing. Thank you for hearing, and thank you for walking. Thank you for laying here. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for leaving. Thank you for breaking and mending. Thank you for sleeping, for laughing, for crying and thank you for yelling. Thank you for loving.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for everything.

(Source: )

Across the room

You look across the room and you see him.

You hear the notes that travel across the room as each of his magnificent fingers strums the strings of the Alvarez.

The air has a different feel to it. Day to day it’s different, always.

Today is good, because yesterday was bad. Today is refreshing. The calm after the storm.

Strange voices float in through the bedroom doorway.

You hear him breathe, and it’s perfect.

(Source: )